Mothers Central

Mothers Central Blog is MOVING!

2011-03-13T20:26:00.008-04:00

We are excited to announce that the Mothers Central Blog has moved to: http://www.motherscenter.org/blog/

Please check out our new blog site which has:

Easier access to all our posts (both new and old) with a much more user-friendly layout and design
Straightforward and simple comment areas for you to leave your thoughts and impressions after reading
Effortless navigation to help you locate, read and respond to the posts that touch you the most!

PLUS, on our new site, you can now subscribe to receive each new post directly to your e-mail inbox. NEVER miss a new post again! Visit the new Mothers' Central and enter your e-mail address under the "Subscribe" box on the right hand column to get each new post delivered directly to you!

SEE YOU AT THE
NEW MOTHERS CENTRAL BLOG!

A Day in the Life of a Guilty Mom

2011-03-06T15:20:00.010-05:00

Contributed by: Kate Fineske

Does the guilt ever go away? This morning I woke up feeling overwhelmed and guilty... Overwhelmed because I have WAY too much to do, and guilty because all this "stuff" that I have to do does not include hanging out with my kids.

Last week on the Mothers Central blog I wrote about how I stay "present" in play with my kids... Don't let that fool you! In reality I am NOT ALWAYS present in play. Looking back on that post sure does make me feel good though! In actuality, a lot of the time I feel like I am NOT present... In fact, I feel the exact opposite. I feel absent...

I feel absent when I go off to work teaching one day a week.
I feel absent when I am sick or not physically feeling 100%.
I feel absent when I am worried about something. (And lets face it... there are a lot of things that worry me...)
I feel absent when I need some time to myself because... well... I just NEED SOME TIME TO MYSELF... enough said.

Feeling "absent" wouldn't be all that bad, if I also didn't feel guilty.
Right now, as I am typing this, my son is outside my glass-paneled office doors saying, "Momma, momma, when are you going to be done?"

Seriously!?!

H-E-L-L-O! Wonderful husband, where are you? Don't you know my son is making me feel about < this big > and I need you to rescue me from my guilt?

Pleeeezzze, just play with them, so I don't feel so bad that I am not?

There is a fine line between feeling
fulfilled and feeling selfish.

Most of the time, when I feel professionally fulfilled I feel selfish, and when I feel unfulfilled I feel self-less. It's a toss-up... which feeling can I live with for the time being?

--

Problem solved. Right?
OK, so my husband just took our kids away from my glass-paneled office doors. They are off to play, so I can work... problem solved, right??? But wait... I don't feel any better? I STILL FEEL GUILTY!

Of course, my husband would say that's my own fault... there's no reason to feel guilty, he has taken over! Yet I still. Feel. GUILTY. As much as my wonderful husband tries and sincerely wants to take this feeling of guilt away... he just can't.

(Insert sigh... Ahhhh)

So I try to ignore it.

I tell myself, "I am a GREAT mom!" and I start listing ALL the things that I do with my kids. I TRY to convince myself that 1, 2, 3, even 5 days a week of work is NOT going to mess my kids up! There are LOTS of kids that are WAY worse off then my kids... Getting out one or two evenings a week with my husband and/or friends IS good for me!?! I NEED time for myself... OK. Still. Not. Helping me. (See how selfish I sound?)

--

Mom to the Rescue (No, not ME mom. MY mom.)
Ring, RIINNGGG... The phone abruptly interrupts my thoughts on what a BAD mother I am... ARGH! As if I need one more thing interrupting my work that is already not getting done! But, the caller I.D. says it is my Mom so I pick up the phone. IMMEDIATELY I start to vent... she listens. I vent some more... She shares her experiences... I vent some more... 15 minutes later I still haven't gotten back to work, and I am still on the phone with my mom, and I am still feeling... wait... I'm feeling... better??!!

Sometimes it's my mom, sometimes its my mother-in-law, sometimes its my sister, sometimes its my good friend who also has kids, sometimes it is my weekly Mothers' Center meeting... but it is almost always the experience of another mom who helps to melt the guilt away.

A co-worker of mine once wrote to me, "Somehow it’s always easier to forgive others, to see how unrealistic they are – but harder to give ourselves a break!" Isn't that true!? Sharing my guilt with another mom and/or hearing another mom's worries about guilt and not being “good enough” somehow ALWAYS make me feel as though miraculously I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE!

--

It's a half hour later. I say "good-bye" to my own mom, hang up the phone, and am FINALLY ready to get back to work knowing how lucky I am to feel so fulfilled as a woman and mom. What a great example I will make to my own children (and especially to my daughter) as I show them how one can live doing things that they truly enjoy doing! And even though, right now, I am working without them and loving it, later today, I will be working and playing with them and loving it just as much!

Life is good! ...

Until the guilt takes over again...

Because, a mother's guilt is never gone. Or is that just me? I can't be the only one with these feelings... right?

When Your Home is an Island:Tips for Enjoying Inside Playtime with Your Children

2011-02-26T15:52:00.047-05:00

Contributed by: Kate Fineske

Remember Tom Hanks' character Chuck Noland in Cast Away? He lived for years on an uninhabited island in the South Pacific with only his volleyball (appropriately named Wilson) for company. In my mind, winter at my hometown in Ohio can sometimes be the equivalent to getting stranded on a deserted island – the only thing to get you through it is the hope that eventually someone or something will come to your rescue! SOS!

Recently my husband I returned from a long weekend cruise.

February on the Islands of the Bahamas is MUCH different than February in Ohio!

What's worse than being stranded inside your home with nothing to do? Being stranded inside your home with nothing to do AND 3 kids who also have nothing to do! Playing can be HARD WORK for a mom. No joke! As a new mom, I often found myself having a hard time surviving my "desert island" time with my kids. That was until I found my key to survival ... Being present and passionate in the activities we choose to do together.

How I Stay "Present" in Play
It is not practical for me to play 24/7 with my kids. However, during the many, many times that I do play with them, I want to be "present"... being "present" means more than just physically being there, it also means being "mentally" present. Often I forget – as my older children have grown more independent – the importance of being both physically AND mentally present while playing with them. While my 1-year-old NEEDS me around all the time, my presence during playtime with my older kids is just as important!

My #1 survival tool while imprisoned in my home

with my kiddos is to turn what I like to do
into something my children will also like to do!

Time Flies When You're Having Fun!
Let me explain, I find that when I have more fun, my kids in turn have much more fun. If I am interacting with them by doing something that I enjoy, I personally feel that I am a much better, much more "present" mommy. What do you enjoy doing without kids? How can you share your enthusiasm for these passions with your children? Here are a few of my own "playtime passions"...

Building: Building tents, building with blocks, building with legos – I enjoy this! In fact, I sometimes play legos with my son for hours! (Well, maybe 45 minutes - he IS only 4!) Plus, building is something both my younger and older kids like! (Although I have to admit, my 1-year-old enjoys knocking things down much more than building them up!)

Solving Puzzles: As a kid I loved doing word searches, playing board games, and putting together puzzles. My 4-year old and 8-year-old also share this passion! It is amazing how long a puzzle can keep our attention while stuck inside!

Reading: OK, so I realize my kids probably don't want to re-read the Twilight Series for the billionth time with me! (Nor do I want them to!) However, by finding age appropriate books that I enjoy reading with my kids, I find my time trapped at home flies by!

I try to pass my passion for books down to my little ones!

Furthermore, reading has no age restrictions! For my 1-year-old, we have incorporated framed book pages within his nursery decoration which I use to make up stories about on the fly. For my high-energy 4-year-old, books that are more interactive (such as a train book with sound effects) or books that incorporate cute mischief (such as Curious George stories) can keep him entertained for ages! Even though my 8-year-old reads by herself now, she just loves to pick a chapter book for both of us to read together! Now I realize, for non-book-lovin' moms, this could be "painful" play, but not for me... I LOVE TO READ!

Playing and Listening to Music: We have more toy musical instruments in our house than most women have shoes. As a child, I grew up playing and listening to music daily. I still remember my first purchased record: Disco Duck. (Sung by Donald Duck of course!) Music is still important to me now as an adult and mother. Music can make any dull chore interesting and fun! Additionally, my daughter now takes piano lessons and one of our favorite mother/daughter times is practicing piano together.

What's Your "Playtime Passion?"
So there you have it! This is my list of "playtime passions" and how I incorporate them into our routine while held house-captive during the Ohio winter months. However, I understand that "one person's trash, is another one's treasure." My husband enjoys almost NONE of the activities I've listed above. Instead he would prefer to play school with the kids or exercise with them.

It is quite comical to watch my husband on the treadmill alongside
our 8-yr-old doing sit-ups while our 4-year-old perfects stretching
and our 1-year-old is jumping on the mini trampoline!

OK lets face it, sometimes, with a 1-year-old you just have to revert back to good-old-fashioned containment for playtime!

What are your passions? Do you like math? Do you enjoy dancing? Just remember, when the trapped feeling starts to cave in on you, and you need "rescued from your home", don't forget to think about what you like to do... maybe, just maybe, it's something your kids might like too?

Chime in! Leave a comment to share your unique "playtime passions" and survival tools you use when your home "becomes an island."

What I learned from my Dad (a.k.a. The Master Packer)

2011-02-15T14:08:00.032-05:00

Contributed by: Kate Fineske

NOTE: The National Association of Mothers' Centers will be hosting an upcoming Webinar on the Power and Potential of Father/Daughter Relationships on March 3, 2011. In anticipation of this event, what a great time to talk about how our fathers impacted us! Read about my experience and share yours by adding a comment to this blog post!

The "Master Packer"
Growing up as the oldest of 3 girls in my family, some of my most vivid memories of childhood are of our family vacations. My father - who was the only male between myself, my mother, and my 2 younger siblings - should have had a ~~Masters~~ PhD in automobile packing! The women in our household were by no means LIGHT packers when it came to vacations! Which and how many shoes, shirts, shorts, suits, slacks, and skirts to take, were always a point of contention among us ladies and my father. "Efficiency packing" was not our style, but arguing against packing all our "stuff" was pointless. So my dad made do with the hand he was dealt and was officially awarded the family title of "master packer."

Over the course of the years my father earned many other "degrees" and awards such as:

Personal Coach-of-the-Year (in whatever sport I decided to attack)
Master's of Aquatic Fun (swimming was fun with friends, but even more fun with dad!)
M.B.A. in Conflict Resolution (when the business of sibling arguing got out of hand)

Not that my mom didn't have a lot of influence and wasn't a prevalent person in my life - in our family, my mom was the permanent daily fixture on our family lives. She tended lovingly and with much gusto to our every-day needs, wants and necessities as a "stay-at-home super-mom" and later as a working "super-mom". But my father was more than just a "superhero side-kick". Looking back, I can reflect on the influence and life lessons only my father could have taught me.

LESSON #1: You don't need to rely on someone else to fix things for you.
As an adolescent it can be scary to do things yourself! And easy to rely on others for the simplest things – such as calling in a pizza delivery order. It can be even more scary to do something you are not familiar with - such as quickly fixing a recurring carburetor problem in my car. (YES! I can fix my carburetor thanks to my dad!) I amazed friends in my high school parking lot by performing a quick fix my dad taught me to get my car running. It was forced, do-it-yourself incidents like this that helped to build my confidence as a young woman and give me courage to take on the even bigger, scarier things to come in life!

LESSON #2: Pick and choose your battles.
I was a pretty good kid, all things considered. But even "good kids" can make mistakes and wrong decisions. More-so than my mother, the importance of earning and keeping my dad's trust played an important part in my decision making process. Looking back, I believe this was because my dad so very rarely seemed to get angry and disappointed. One solid look of disapproval on my dad's face, told me VERY QUICKLY that I had done something very wrong. There is something to say for overexposure... my mom, who spent most every waking minute with us, did not have the same effect for this very reason! My father was my mother's secret "superhero weapon" when it came to discipline. And as I grew older, I realized the importance and power of being trustworthy and admirable. Through his actions, my dad taught me to pick and choose my battles, so that the battles I did pick were viewed as significant by others.

LESSON #3: Finish what you start.
Ever participate in a high school swim team or a sport with 2-a-days? If you have, then you already know how getting up at 5 in the morning to swim laps prior to school and then filing back to the natatorium everyday after school to practice yet again, meant sometimes going days without seeing sunlight! This was the story of my winter as a high school swimmer and diver. By the time I was a junior, I was getting really burnt out with swimming. Just prior to the first meet of my junior season, I approached both my parents with the intention of quitting the swim team. There are two things I clearly remember about my dad's reaction to this request... first, that I felt my parents took the time to at least hear me through on why I wanted to quit, and second, my dad's actual firm, but thoughtful response – "We don't quit something we have not finished. You get through this season, and if you still feel the same next season, you don't have to return." This reply is one of many which helped to instill a great sense of responsibility, commitment, determination, dependability and reliability in me. To this day, I ALWAYS work to finish what I start.

My husband with our 3 kids

Passing the "Torch"
There is so much more that my father knowingly (and unknowingly) taught me - beyond how to systematically pack a van for vacation! Additionally I'll point out, a Dad isn't the only one who is capable of teaching the above lessons. A case in point is my husband, who was raised by an AMAZING single mother who instilled many of these same life lessons in him and his brother. I feel fortunate to have such a great husband to partner with me in teaching these life lessons. My husband, like my father was to my mother, is WAY MORE than just a "superhero sidekick!" My husband connects to our children in a way that is so different to how I connect with them. My hope is that someday my kids will look back at the life lessons that their father has instilled in them and see that the "first man" in their life was just as positive an influence as the "first man" in my life was. THANK YOU DAD!

What life lessons and positive influences did your father have on you? How do the fathers in your life influence your children? Leave some comments to share! And encourage the fathers in your life to unlock their unique influence in their childrens' life!

That's Mothers' Center

2010-10-07T21:52:00.005-04:00

A member to member letter written by Christy Mansfield in the Mothers' Center of Southwest Nassau newsletter

When I kept running into a particular Mothers' Center member almost every day this summer as we shuffled our different kids between the MC Summer Camp and the Lynbrook School District Summer Playground, I at last found her standing with the tailgate of her car open and her 4 year-old girl sitting on a portable potty.

I LOVED this scene. Why? One: because I have a 3 year-old girl, and I know this will be me one day soon. Two: because one of my 'veteran' MC friends once shared that she, a mother of three girls, NEVER LEFT HOME WITHOUT a portable potty in the back of her truck. Sure as the sun rose, as soon as she got into a store or a supermarket, one of her girls would say she had to go to the bathroom. So, she would calmly leave her cart, go back to the car, have her daughter pee in the portable potty, go back to the store, and go on with her life.

"I NEVER would have thought to do that. THAT'S the MOTHERS' CENTER!" is what I said to my new friend as she waited patiently at the rear of her car for her daughter to go. There is nothing like this. Our members sit around in groups and share. We get together in the summer and share. We bump into each other in town, and we share. I NEVER would have thought that I would be able to do that.

And I never take for granted the value of the benefits I gain from those experiences. Because they always make me feel better, more relaxed, and more "normal." Aside from those extremely important emotional benefits, I gain some unbelievable practical knowledge and insights from my more experienced mother friends.

Never underestimate the power of a conversation with another mother. I tap into those ideas, maybe months or years later, and I never forget where they originated. That's why we were drawn to this place. That's the Mothers' Center.

What Mothers Want Conference

2010-09-26T16:26:00.004-04:00

Submitted by Valerie Young and Jocelyn Crowley

We see it all around us: mothers are harried, overworked, and encounter endless obstacles as they work and raise their kids. Workplace flexibility initiatives can help, whether initiated by the mother’s employer or promoted by the government. Yet these options remain unavailable to a significant number of mothers. So what can we do about it?

We started out in separate corners on this issue. Jocelyn Crowley, as the academic, began work in 2008 on a large study to understand certain types of mothers' groups in the United States. These are groups that tend to attract mothers into their fold based on whether or not they are currently working for pay. Through a series of surveys and interviews, she asked mothers across five national organizations about their lives, their struggle to combine paid work with family, and how they envision a society which values them as parents as much as it rewards them as workers.

In the course of her research, Jocelyn had the energizing opportunity of studying the membership of the National Association of Mothers' Centers (NAMC), and met its Advocacy Coordinator, Valerie Young. We found in each other the perfect collaborative partner. While Jocelyn loves putting her nose to the research grind, Valerie is on the ground in Washington D.C. influencing public policy discussions and agitating for change. Hence, the idea for this conference was born. We became determined to bring both academics and practitioners together to talk about what mothers want in terms of workplace flexibility policies. It is our belief that the exchange of ideas between these experts and the mothers already cooperating in their own communities offers a potent opportunity to create social change.

The “What Mothers Want” conference will take place at Rutgers University on October 19, 2010. It will showcase the findings of key players who have studied the intersection of paid work and unpaid family carework. We’ve seen the work of the panel, and here’s a glimpse of the issues we’ll address:

Can a balance ever really be struck between work and the pull of family life?

Which women feel they have balance, and how do they get it?

What do fathers and male co-workers have to do with work/life satisfaction?

Do gender and race matter?

When mothers talk about their common experience, how does their perspective on work/life issues shift?

If they’ve left paid employment do they plan to return, and under what circumstances?

What is the connection between mothers in organized mothers’ groups and political activism?

In short, what DO mothers want? We look forward to three hours of fascinating information, conversation, and fun, and we hope you can join us.

"What Mothers Want": A Conference at Rutgers University, October 19, 2010 from 9am-12:45pm. REGISTER NOW!

What is temperament and why do parents need to know about it?

2010-06-14T21:43:00.003-04:00

Submitted by Lisa Kaplan-Miller

Here’s a website to help you find the answer!

From a terrific presentation on temperament at Adelphi University’s Institute for Parenting we learned about a great online resource for parents and professionals who want to learn more about temperament and its influence on the parent/child relationship.

On this temperament website you’ll be able to find ideas to help you with a challenging child, take a temperament quiz to learn about yourself, and sign up for an electronic newsletter in which “Each issue contains ideas for effective and respectful responses to challenging behavior, research news, letters from parents and early interventionists, book reviews and more.”

While the site is geared to parents and caregivers of “high maintenance” children from birth to age twelve, you’ll find lots of information to guide you through the everyday challenges of parenting even if you don’t have a high maintenance child.

Let us know if you find the website helpful!

Walking a Mile in My Mom's Shoes

2010-04-18T15:21:00.004-04:00

Being the mother of a teenager is a bit like riding a roller coaster. It is certainly an adventure that comes with ups and downs – some more dramatic than others. I have a 16-year-old son who has tested me on multiple occasions. I know my love for him is deep because it does not waver, regardless of the circumstances. That doesn’t mean I haven’t raised my voice or experienced frustration, upset and worry. But I always love him and want him to be happy, healthy and successful in what brings him the greatest joy in his life. Isn’t that what every mom wants for her children? I feel very blessed to have my son in my life – he brings me a great deal of joy and pride. I am also very grateful that I have ONE child. I don’t know that I could handle more than one. That’s just me.
My mother, on the other hand, raised five children. While it was fun having four brothers and sisters (I’m the oldest), I cannot imagine what it was like for my mother to raise all of us. And she did it alone from the time I was eleven. Imagine raising five kids ages eleven, nine, eight, seven and six – alone.

When my son criticizes me because he doesn’t agree with my rules and he thinks I am ridiculous, I console myself with the thought that he might understand why I did what I did when he has kids of his own. After all, I can remember having similar thoughts when I was a teenager. As a child, I thought at times that my mother was weak, inconsistent and old fashioned. She didn’t make sense to me. I remember giving her quite a hard time on more occasions than I care to admit, not even considering the fact that I was not the only one she had to deal with. I even got angry enough to leave home and go out on my own without saying good bye. Yet, my mother always forgave me and has always been there for me.

While there were times when we struggled financially, my mother did everything she could to make sure she could pay the bills, put food on the table and get us clothes. Sometimes that meant working multiple jobs aside from the huge job she already had of raising us. She also taught us about God and planted seeds of faith in each of us. While I’m sure there were times she probably wondered if it was taking root at all, I can assure you her faith impacted all of us. I, for one, am very grateful for her example. My faith today is stronger than ever because of my mother. Her faith was built on a strong and solid foundation that was never compromised because of our situation. If anything, my mother leaned on her faith even more. She has been an inspiration to me.

It is only since I became a mother, that I began to appreciate just how much my mother did for me and my brother and sisters. My regret is that it took me so long. My mother made tremendous sacrifices for us. Her strength, courage, faith and huge heart influenced all five of us to be the best we could be. My prayer is that I am able to let her know just how much I appreciate all she has done and how much I really do love her.

That is why I want to honor my mother as part of the National Association of Mothers’ Centers Mile for Mothers – Walk a Mile in Mom’s Shoes walk on May 1st, 2010. Thank you, Mom! You are a truly amazing woman.

A Whine and Cheese Moms Night Out

2010-04-15T23:26:00.006-04:00

Written by: Brandy Davis, Katherine Thompson, and Kate Fineske Mother’s Center of Greater Toledo

In the fall of 2007 the Mothers' Center of Greater Toledo was going through a transitional period. We lacked an involved fundraising chair on our leadership team and needed a way to make our budget balance for the year. We had much lower membership numbers at this time, and the members that we did have were not overly "vested" in the group. We felt uncomfortable doing a fundraiser where moms would have to "sell" items.

Kate Fineske was currently the co-chair of programming and had just moved into her new home that they had built and she was eager to have an "open house" type party and thought... Why not make it a fundraiser for Mothers' Center. The group did some brainstorming and came up with the idea of having a wine and cheese party for moms! This led us to play on the words to come up with a great theme of a "Whine" and Cheese party.

The party was a great success for many reasons, but mainly because at the time, it was exactly the type of "Moms Night Out" opportunity that our members were looking for. The event was such a success and was and has continued to be our biggest fundraiser of the year, raising over $1000 this year for our group.

The event has evolved so much since we first held it in 2007. This year we sent out over 100 invitations between all of our current members and our alumni members. Everyone that attends is also encouraged to bring guests. This helps the event be so much more than just a great fundraiser, it also allows it to be a wonderful Membership outreach opportunity and a great way to reach out to Alumni Members of our group at least once a year. The event is still held at a member’s house each year which works out nicely because it helps keeps out-of-pocket costs down. Another way we keep costs down is by sending out letters to local grocery stores, bakeries and restaurants asking for donations of food items or gift cards. We really try to get as many members involved as possible so that it does not get overwhelming for the fundraising committee. We also delegate volunteers to be in charge of sub-committee’s to handle different tasks like decorations, games, ice breakers, food, cheese, and wine.

All members that come pay $20 plus a bottle of wine. If a member brings a guest the cost is $15 per person. Many members also bring a food dish. Libby Glass has donated our wine glasses for the last two years so we have been able to give each guest their own wine glass as a “souvenir.” We have a separate room at the party that is our wine tasting room. This year our theme was “Local Wines” and we had five different local wines in this room for wine tasting in addition to all the great wines that members brought along and a homemade Sangria that is a HUGE crowd-pleaser!

Our Whine and Cheese party has really evolved in the 3 years since we started having it. Each year is more successful than the last due to our ever-growing membership. This is also the event that all of our members look forward to each year. Even though the thought of hosting it at my home was a little daunting at first, the huge success of the event made it all worth it in the end. We are already looking forward to the Whine and Cheese party for next year.

Would you like to learn more about how this event has evolved? You can contact Kate Fineske at: k8designs @ me.com

Flexibility Benefits Double When Life Happens

2010-02-21T15:34:00.000-05:00

Submitted by an NAMC member
Without the flexibility I’m afforded at work, I’d be in terrible shape. In the past few years I’ve had to deal with my dad’s hospitalization, rehab, emergency blood transfusion almost gone wrong, and extended rehab – all from a distance of 30 miles over very traffic congested roadways. Not a quick or easy trip.

I’ve personally had several medical issues demanding immediate attention and extensive testing – you know the drill, show up early, wait for hours, worry for a week, finally get the results and a referral to yet another specialist. Thankfully things are looking up on that score. Sprinkle on a few happy occasions (births, weddings), mix with a faltering economy which make work stresses more acute, and 24/7 availability of e-mails, text messages and voice mails and you’ve got a pressure cooker.

The option to take time when I absolutely had to and to make up lost hours as I could saved my sanity. It also contributed to my focused attention to my work when I am at the office, it increased my productivity and made me very willing to step up when anything extra needed to be done at work – giving back for the flex offered when I needed it.

Experiences of firms implementing these kinds of arrangements have shown that these same results happen for firms that provide the flexibility their employees need. We’re not robots, we have relationships that are crucial to not only the individuals involved but to a thriving social structure and a humane and productive work environment … and businesses benefit through the increased productivity, effectiveness and loyalty of their workers.

What could be more exciting?

2010-02-13T14:00:00.007-05:00

Yesterday, I asked a co-worker what her plans were for Valentine’s Day. She mentioned that she and her husband didn’t have much planned and that, since they had their baby girl, who is now four months old, she and her husband are not very exciting. That statement hit me as a sad way to think about our roles as parents. What concerns me is that I know that I have had the same thought. The perspective on the work of parenting in our society seems to be colored by undertones of menial, less important work that gets in the way of the really important stuff we need to do. Yet, what could be more important, critical – and yes, exciting - than raising the next generation?

We get excited by a new job, a new project, a major success in our career or an opportunity to travel to a new place. We get excited at the prospect of taking a vacation, buying a house or being recognized for an achievement. Excitement for some is being able to go out and celebrate on the weekends, socialize with friends or get away from it all for a brief break. Yet, how fleeting are so many of these things? By comparison, raising a child is a huge commitment to contributing to the next generation and a responsibility to help a new human being grow and develop.

Every moment of being a parent has its own joys and challenges. For women, they are amplified by the fact that we have the privilege of actually having the child grow and make its passage into the world through our very bodies! I remember how excited I was by every kick and movement my baby made as he grew inside of me. After 26 hours of labor I thought all I would want to do is pass out and sleep. As tired as I was, the excitement of having my baby next to me was greater than my exhaustion and I could not sleep at all. I will never forget walking in the park with my sister and mother when my son was three months old, and sharing my excitement about my son seeing his first flower bloom, his first butterfly and his first frog! My sister eventually said, “Cath, give it a break!”

I have done my best to not take a moment for granted and have so enjoyed all of his firsts. My son is 16, taller than me, and his firsts have not stopped. Soon, he will drive for the first time (eek!) and get his first job and go out on his first date. I marvel at the young man he is becoming. There are still so many firsts ahead for him and it is such a huge responsibility to be there for him, guiding him and supporting him each step of the way.

Since I began working for the National Association of Mothers Centers and now volunteering for the MACC Initiative, I have revisited my perspective on what it means to be a mother. Boring? My experiences as a mother have been many things. Challenging, awe-inspiring, heart breaking, wonderful, and filled with amazement and amusement. But honestly, they have rarely been boring.

I think we need to reframe how we think of motherhood and fatherhood. When you stop and think about it, it really is one of the most exciting and amazing endeavors a human being can experience in life.

How I Manage Work/Life Balance

2010-02-12T08:22:00.002-05:00

Post submitted by Ginger Garner MPT, ATC, Women's Health Educator

I'd love to share how I manage work/life balance. It isn’t complicated either – my husband and I agreed to one thing:

We help ourselves by helping others first.

In our constant quest to be good parents – we thought that helping the children of Haiti might help us be better parents and better citizens of planet earth.

So last May (that’s 2009 and before the earthquake) – as a team – I decided to accept an appointment to the Haiti Initiative Service.

Since then, the Initiative has raised over $30,000.

Our second joint mission for balancing work/life, that is pursuing our musical interests, blends with our mission to Haiti.

I founded Musicians 4 Missions in 2009 – shortly after taking over the Initiative – and now we have more than 2 dozen musicians from all over North Carolina who will be performing in a concert for the children of Haiti on March 5, 2010.

My husband (Jeff Jablonski, whom I copied on this email) plays the bass, and I am a vocalist – so together we have managed to find a way to enjoy what we love together – plus find a way to help the world’s children. You can see what we are doing at http://www.music4haiti.org/.

The concert will be Musicians 4 Missions 2010 – and our fundraising goal is $15,000. We will take those funds, which require no administrative costs whatsoever – 100% of the donations go to children in Haiti – directly in country through our own aid workers (via an organization with a 70 year solid history of providing foreign aid).

I hope this can help other mothers/parents see that there is a way to balance work and family – you just have to focus on relationship – and serving a greater good. We have found that –and I hope others can too.

Peaceful Mornings - Thanks Parenting On Track!

2010-01-13T09:37:00.005-05:00

Submitted by Valorie Hollister, Mothers Connection of Farmington Valley (CT)
The parenting educator Vicki Hoefle is providing a 12 week introductory program via a series of free webinars every Monday night starting Monday 1/11/10 at 9pm eastern on MomTV.com. Todd and I have been using Vicki's program since October and we've have noticed some big shifts in our family. I would highly recommend it to anyone who wants a more peaceful, happy family.

About Vicki's "Parenting On Track™" Program:

The main focus of the program is not just to 'fix children's bad behavior' (although this does happen -- but maybe not the way you would anticipate) -- but it is really about how you can help prepare your children for adulthood. It is also about enjoying being a parent AND enjoying your children more. As Vicki says, "when all of the arguing, threatening, and bribing ends, parenting suddenly becomes a lot more enjoyable. Instead of feeling drained at the end of the day, you’ll have a sense of peace and confidence that only this kind of parenting can bring. And you’ll be free to really enjoy your kids". Todd and I can tell you this change doesn't come overnight -- but the changes in our family since October are really exciting. You can read a full descriptions and see samples of Vicki's 12 week program here.

Our experience:
I'm always one for examples....so here is a bit more detail on the changes for the Hollister family:
Todd and I attended Vicki's 1/2 day workshop and have been (slowly) working our way through her 12 wk home program. We decided to start our work by modifying our morning routine and here is the result:

Since November our 5 and 6 year olds happily get themselves up each morning, dress, brush teeth, get their own breakfast, pack their own lunch AND get themselves out the door on time -- without us nagging, reminding, yelling, etc -- and with very little help from us (ex: I'm the one that usually cuts bagels in half). In fact, I sleep in 15 minutes later then I used to (lazy mommy!) -- and Todd doesn't come downstairs until it is time for him to leave with our 5 year old.

One of the more amazing things is that we've learned how much our kids are capable of. For example, my 5 year old is a whiz with a sharp knife -- something I was not comfortable with at first. She can trim up strawberries and green beans beautifully -- and after watching her I'm confident she knows what she is doing.

Our current work relates to having the kids brainstorm on solutions to their problems and conflicts. They came up with some great ideas -- for example, when one is bothering the other they have decided if the 'victim' asks two times for the 'offender' (my labels, not theirs) to stop and if they don't stop, the 'offender' will remove themselves -- go in another room and "jump up and down until the crazies go away" (those ARE their words). I don't know yet how this will work -- but since they came up with the solution I'm going to guess it is a lot more likely that they will follow through on it -- by THEMSELVES -- without Todd or I monitoring/policing their behavior.

Our family is definitely not perfect -- and there are many things I know we still need to work on -- but since starting Vicki's program we all feel lighter and we spend way more time and energy on having fun together and much less time on reminding, policing conflict or negotiating. I also know how pleased the kids are that they can do so many things for themselves (even though there is the occasional complaint about "why do I have to make my lunch").

Details about the webinar series:

Each wk's hour long live webinar will start with Vicki explaining that week's lesson for the first 30 minutes. The second 30 minutes Vicki will spend answering YOUR questions. All of this is FREE -- and if you decide to write a blog about your experience you have a chance at weekly prizes. And you can have your blog entry posted here!
The recordings of the sessions will also be available through MomTV for free replay -- but the Q and A portion will NOT be recorded.
This is a fabulous opportunity to go through the program w/Vicki -- and if you can make the commitment to attend live -- you get direct/live access to Vicki for your questions.
Just as a caution - the webinars will NOT include everything from Vicki's home program -- but it will give you a good idea about her approach with program highlights, stories and examples. The goal is for parents to begin the program and give it a test drive before making the commitment / investment -- but the webinar series should not be considered a replacement for the home program.
If you want to hear more about the webinar series, watch the orientation recording on MomTV from 1/5/09 (it got cut off due to a power outage - but the Vicki laid out the basics before the outage).
You can use the same link to tune in on Mondays at 9pm Eastern to catch the webinars live.

Last words:
I would encourage any parent interested in enjoying their parenting role more and/ or any parent who wants to help to encourage their children to grow into confident, self-sufficient adults, to attend the webinar series. I would recommend attending each webinar session live, listen to other people's questions, ask your own questions and think about it all for awhile and start to really observe your children and yourself. If you decide you'd like to learn more -- you can get Vicki's home program -- which comes with DVDs/CDs, a wonderful workbook and access to a discussion forum where Vicki answers all your questions personally.

Feel free to contact me if you have any questions!

A Life Full of Thanks

2009-11-17T13:07:00.003-05:00

Contributed by Lisa Jacobson, itsamompreneurslife.com

(flickr photo courtesy of 1scrappycat)

At the beginning of November I read about a project called the 30 Days of Thanks in a blog. The writer challenged herself to write a post everyday about one thing she is thankful for and do it for the 30 days of November. I was so taken with the idea that I decided to join in.
I’m half way through the month and looking back - I think wow – what a gift this experience has been so far.

It’s easy for me to tick off the five or ten things I’m thankful for. They are always a part of my gratitude repertoire so to speak. Whenever someone asks me what I am grateful for - I start down the list: husband, children, family, friends, my business, my health, my home, my pets, etc. In participating in this project I have been forced to go beyond my usual and dig deep and take it another step. It’s easy to say I am thankful for my husband and then say “because he supports me”. It’s another thing to explain why in 10 coherent sentences or more.

In digging deeper I learned a BIG lesson. I learned no matter how much I want to “teach” my girls’ about being thankful I can’t. The only way they’ll learn is by me being openly thankful. Walking my talk. I became aware of what it means to be thankful by studying and being around other people who are practicing gratitude and talking about it. Then by practicing it myself.
I made a decision to become more consistent in expressing my gratitude out loud. The girls may not be able to comprehend the bigger picture (what it means to be thankful for health, home, early bed times and a quite house…) but hopefully they will begin to see that being thankful isn’t just for the big stuff.

Now when they do something the first time I ask - I thank them for listening to me. When my girls do something that tickles me or provokes me, I thank them for it. I thank them for being them. I say thank you to my husband in front of them when he helps me out or when he says let’s eat out tonight. Sometimes the girls look at me weird – like why would I say thank you to a certain person or situation. My hope is that eventually it’ll become second nature in our house for gratitude to be openly expressed and in time it will be second nature for them to be thankful for who they are and for what is around them.

Gratitude is a great way to create a happier life. Here is another piece along these lines we thought you might enjoy from Daily Good.

How Wild is Where the Wild Things Are?

2009-10-23T14:52:00.000-04:00

Were you wondering if Spike Jonz’ new movie was appropriate for your kids? Would you like some help in starting a conversation with your child after you’ve seen the movie? Then visit Common Sense Media’s website for their take, parent reviews, and a wonderful list of suggested “conversation starters” about the movie. If you haven’t yet visited this website, we think you’ll be pleasantly surprised – it’s chock full of information, ideas and inspiration for parents.

Meantime, click here for a common sense look at "Where the Wild Things Are".